Thoughts & Jottings

August 11, 2010 - Makuha Bay, Hawaii


Greg was operated on this morning by Dr. Ignation for his knee problems.  I was out on the foredeck thinking of him, drinking my tea and sending him healing love vibrations when  I began remembering my dream of just a few hours earlier - I had been riding a bicycle down a lane (balance) when the dream switched to my driving a huge red (energy) cadillac (cars indicate your daily life so this was and expansive dream as the cadillac I was driving was the largest of its day about 1972).  I was driving downward (I am now in my golden/elder years with earthly accomplishments behind me) on a small lane the curved this way and that.  It was really steep and I remember driving with my foot on the breaks (I want to still be going "up" in my life - not "down").  The car was much wider than the lane (my direction in life) but I was in no danger.  The sides of the road were lined with numerous flowers (beauty and fullfillment) much like the yellow brick road in "The Wizard of Oz".  I made it to the bottom safely and as soon as I was there I knew that I had to go home (back up the hill) because Dave & my family would be worried about me.  There was no way that I could drive this huge car up the lane so I began looking for an elevator - there wasn't one.  I was there for good.  I awoke and found myself alone in bed for Dave was already up.


Now none of this has anything to do with my concern for Greg this morning, but it does have to do with where I am at this juncture in my life.  Sitting on the foredeck with the awesome beauty of Makuha in front of me, in all of its glory, I thought back over the fortune of my life.  It occurred to me that when you really make a wish in your heart, subconsciously when you totally desire something with all of your soul, that it has a good chance of coming true.


Forty years ago, when I first began sailing with Jim Kennedy on his sloop Moonshadow, in the Gulf Coast, I knew in my heart that more than anything in life I wanted to live on a boat.  Of course this was impossible as Michael and Greg were small and had just started to school.  Still, this passion to live on the sea became imbedded in my heart.  


As my life began to unfold as a single woman, in my mid-forties this dream began to take hold, although again it was subconsciously.  I bought at Hobie Cat when I lived in St. Croix and loved sailing it around.  I sold it when I moved to St. John but bought a larger day sailer, A Cal '23, and sailed it around Coral Bay.  I lost that in Hurricane Hugo in 1989.  Shortly afterwards I moved to Tortola, British Virgin Islands.  My brother Jimmy had just died of AIDS; I had spent many months nursing him in Manhattan where he lived in the famous old building, The Dakota, on W. 72 and Central Park.  This loss spured on my desire to fill my dreams for when you love someone and lose them you truly realize how short and  vulnerable life really is.


I found the vessel of my dreams at Nanny Cay.  It w2as a CSY '37 (Caribbean Sailing Yacht), and old charter boat that was exactly what I wanted.  Named Antares, it was out on charter at the time.  Leaving NCYS after looking at the specks on it in the Yacht Sales office I decided to go for a drink at Pussers in West End.  Sitting at the bar, nursing my Bloody Mary, I spied a boat that I knew was a CSY - taking my glass in hand I walked down the docks to look at it more closely.  Sitting in the cockpit was an adorable young couple.  I asked if this could possibly be Antares, that I had just seen the specks on it that morning and could I possibly come on board and look around.  Not only was I welcomed aboard, I was asked to join the couple for a week of sailing as they knew very little about boats and sailing.  Holy cow!  I jumped at the chance and sailed with them for a week, returning to the yacht office to make an offer on Antares complete with a list of things wrong with her.  I bought her for $5,000 less than they were asking and moved aboard.  I had found my dream.  


So what I really wanted, with all of my heart, had come true without my even thinking rationally about it.  The universe had manifested in my life my deepest desire.  I have found this with several other fortunate things in my life also.  


I raised my hands to the sky, facing the majestic mountains of Makua, and thanked the universe and all of my loved ones, for granting me the spectacular fortune to now be living aboard Swan Song with David, some 20 years later - exactly) and for giving me the many blessings that I have in life.